My friend Rebecca Henderson preached a sermon on suicide several weeks ago. Because so many people struggle with thoughts of suicide—particularly during seasons of increased suffering—I’m sharing her sermon and trying to spread the word about this complex issue. Please pass this along to others who might appreciate reading it and gaining greater understanding. I’m so thankful for Rebecca and others who preach about hard things.

Rebecca Henderson is a licensed social worker and an ordained deacon in the Anglican Church. She works as the Rape Response Coordinator at the Birmingham Crisis Center and has a passion for the intersection of faith, trauma, and mental health. She enjoys improv, walking, floral arranging, and (when the world is not in the midst of a pandemic) hosting people around her table. Rebecca is married to James. Read a recent interview with Rebecca here.

*The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 160 crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 1-800-273-8255. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.*

And here’s the transcript of Rebecca’s sermon…

The topic of suicide can feel frightening. Yet, at the same time, I know many people, including some people listening today, have struggled with suicide or been impacted by it.

In the U.S., there are approximately 132 suicides every day. To put that in perspective, the CDC states there were more than two and a half times as many suicides in the United States than homicides in 2018.

And we must remember, these are only the people who have died by suicide-- many more have attempted or thought about suicide. It's estimated that for each suicide, there are 25 attempts. And how many more people have contemplated suicide without attempting? How many of us, in this room or watching, have thought about ending our lives? How many people do we know and love who may have had those thoughts? And as we think about these statistics, we also must remember that each person is a person made in the image of and beloved by God.

Before we begin, I want to give you a brief outline of where we are heading, especially since this can be such a sensitive topic. I want us to start with understanding suicide and what a person thinks about it may be going through. Then I'll dive into what the truth of the Gospel says in response to that. And finally, how can we, as Christ's body, the Church, walk alongside those who may be struggling with suicide. And, I hope this applies to suicide but also to suffering in general.

I know that this may be a challenging topic for some of you-- maybe you've lost someone to suicide, or you have struggled with or attempted suicide. Perhaps even now, you're struggling with wanting to end your life. I hope that this will bring hope with the truth of the Gospel and know this isn't something that can be completely wrapped up neatly into a sermon. If you need to talk, know that other pastoral staff and I are available.

Suicidal Thoughts

Many times, those who struggle with suicide may also struggle with mental illness. Mental illness can make it hard for a person to see clearly due to brain chemistry, past trauma, and maladaptive coping skills. Until recently, those who died by suicide in the Roman Catholic Church could not have a funeral mass or burial in a Catholic cemetery because they believed the person committed a mortal sin. But today, the Roman Catholic Church and other Christians are seeing that suicide is much more complicated. That many times because of mental illness and other factors, the Christian is not as "free" to understand what they are doing.

Those who struggle with suicide may have a mental illness that can make their world have a grey and dreary tint because they have suffered a significant loss, a series of losses, or chronic pain. It is generally not one bad day or one bad thing but a culmination of factors. It is like going into your darkest moment, and then that moment becoming a hall of mirrors-- it's all you can see.

When I talk with people contemplating suicide, I hear the pain and the hopelessness they feel. It has often been years in the making-- loss after loss, pain that doesn't seem to end. Even I sometimes question how one person has had to endure and suffer so much.

And in the midst of all of that pain, God can feel incredibly distant, can even feel completely absent. And yet, this is not something that they are alone in feeling. Psalm 88 gives voice to the pain and despair that a person struggling with suicide or depression may feel. While all the other psalms end praising God and acknowledging his glory, and trusting that he will act, this one ends with "darkness is my closest friend." Yet, it still is a prayer to God, a crying out to him, even when he is hard to see. And in it, we see the despair, abandonment, and hopelessness that many are struggling with suicide experience.

And while the psalmist may not have been suicidal himself, we can see in verses 5 and 6 the despair and hopelessness of suicide: "I am overwhelmed with troubles, and my life draws near to death. You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths." He feels as if he is a pit out of which he cannot climb. This hopelessness is similar to what many thinking of suicide feel. They may believe "things won't get better," that this will never end. They say to themselves, "No matter what I do, things won't get better. If I die, I won't feel pain anymore."

In verses 13 and 14, we hear the worthlessness and pain that the author experiences: "But I cry to you for help, Lord; in the morning, my prayer comes before you. Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me?" He feels as if God does not listen, that God has abandoned him. Worthlessness is another familiar feeling for those struggling with suicide. They may believe, "I am worthless. I don't matter. People are better off without me; if I die, no one will care."

And finally, we hear the cry of a person who feels alone in their pain. In verse 8, the psalmist says, "You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. And then, in the final verse, "You have taken from me friend and neighbor--darkness is my closest friend."

And this feeling of being alone is another common thread in suicidal thinking. The person may believe, "I am alone --no one can understand what I'm going through, no one cares, no one can help." While many times suicide is described as the ultimate selfish act, those who struggle with those thoughts may believe this would be the best thing for those in their lives. They may think it is the only way out of a pit of despair. They believe the world will be better off without them in it. The pain they feel is real, it is overwhelming, and it can feel like nothing but death can stop it.

The Gospel

Satan wants us to believe the lies of suicidal ideation-- that we are worthless, that we are alone, and that we have no hope. Sin, either through that which we engage or inflicted upon us, also exacerbates these beliefs. And our weak flesh that wars with sin is susceptible to these beliefs. These forces want to deceive us into believing that struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts means that we are not Christian or do not have enough faith.

But we see many Christians have struggled with these thoughts. For example, William Cowper, who wrote hymns including "There Is A Fountain Filled With Blood" and "God moves in a mysterious way" and worked alongside Newton to write the Olney hymnal, also struggled with suicidal ideation and even attempted suicide. Yet despite this, his suffering was used by God to write hymns that we still use today.

In the darkness and despair of suicide, we need the truth and the hope of the Gospel. The reality that it is Christ's work and not our failings or our sin that define us. We are not alone in the dark, even when it may feel that way. We know that Christ was tempted in every way that we experience temptation, but was without sin so he can empathize with our weaknesses. Christ himself has entered into that darkness. The disciples abandoned him in the Garden of Gethsemane in his moment of despair when he needed them to stay awake and pray. On the hard wood of the cross, he cried, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" He knows the pain of abandonment, of despair. And he himself has entered into the most bottomless pit-- the pit of Hell itself-- on our behalf. And it is he who was resurrected and who promises us resurrection as well.

It is to this hope that we cling. To the lies that you are worthless, that you are unlovable, and that things are hopeless, the truth of the Gospel comes in. To the lie that you are worthless, Christ says, "it is for you that I died." He comes in and says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet, not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So, don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." It is God himself who knitted you together in your mother's womb.

Or, as Mr. Rogers says, "If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."

To the lie that you are unlovable, Christ calls to you, his beloved. You are lovable not because of what you do but because God looks at you in Christ and says that you are lovable. And this is not a love because of your performance; it is a love that sees the darkest parts of you and still says, you are my beloved. As Romans 5:8 declares, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." While you were still an enemy of God, he loved you and laid his life down for you.

As Henri Nouwen wrote in his book, Life of the Beloved:

Long before any human being saw us, we are seen by God's loving eyes. Long before anyone heard us cry or laugh, we are heard by our God who is all ears for us. Long before any person spoke to us in this world, we are spoken to by the voice of eternal love. Our preciousness, uniqueness, and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time--our brief chronological existence--but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity.

And to the lie that there is no hope, our hope is Jesus Christ himself. We hope that suffering and pain are not all there is but, for those in Christ, there will be resurrection into a new life, into a place where there is no more weeping, where God will wipe the tears from our eyes. We see this hope demonstrated in the apostle Paul. Though Paul was burdened by his sufferings and undoubtedly wished them to end so he could be at peace with Christ, he wrote in Philippians that he wanted to die so he could be with Christ. The hope of one day being with Christ allowed him to persevere still and even experience moments of joy amid suffering.

For those who may have lost someone to suicide and may be wondering, "Is my loved one in hell because of what they did?" while grieving an immeasurable loss, I encourage you with the truth that Christ died once and for all sin. We are called to a life of confession and repentance so that we can grow up into the fullness of Christ and grasp his grace more fully. But we also must remember that our salvation is not dependent on our own strength but the power of Christ, who has overcome death itself.

And while we cannot judge the hearts of others, we do know what Paul writes in Romans 8: 38-39:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. Not even suicide. When Christ died on the cross, he died for all sin-- past, present, and future. This is why we celebrate the Eucharist each Sunday. We remember his sacrifice, which has made satisfaction for all our sins-- great and small-- and that calls us to repent, believe, and walk in the light of Christ.

Our Response

How do we move forward to care for those who may be struggling with suicide while remembering the Gospel? First, we must be willing to sit with those in darkness. Christ himself, while knowing that Lazarus would be raised, wept, and wept with those around him. We can have the surety and hope of the Gospel while also entering into the pain others suffer. We are called to not only rejoice with those who rejoice but grieve with those who grieve.

For the person struggling with suicide, faith can feel hard. It may be all they can do to cry out to God. And so we as God's people must help carry that person. In the story of the paralytic, we see that it is his friends' faith that makes him well. Just as the paralytic's friends had to pick their friend up and carry him to the feet of Christ, we must sometimes carry the burdens of others and have the faith that they struggle to find. Or, as I sometimes say to my clients, "I know that can be hard to believe right now, so I will hold onto that until you can believe it for yourself."

We also need to know the people in our lives. There are warning signs that can easily be found by searching or going to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's website. But to recognize some of them, we have to know the person. Have they been more withdrawn or isolated lately? Do they sound more and more hopeless? Do they talk about not wanting to be around anymore?

If we notice this, we have to have the courage to ask in a non-judgmental and compassionate way. I often hear that if we ask a person if they are suicidal, it might "put the idea into their head"-- but this is just not the way it works. Instead, when we ask, this allows the person to be honest about their thoughts — whether they are suicidal or not. I also encourage people to say, "Are you thinking about suicide?" vs. "You're not thinking about suicide, are you?" The former wants an honest answer and is open to "yes" being that answer — while the latter is looking for the answer "no." If they answer yes, try to understand how they feel this way before offering advice (unless they are at immediate risk, i.e., have the means of suicide readily available). Rather than jumping to solutions or giving advice, have the courage to sit with them and understand the pain they feel. For many, this may be the first time someone has been willing to do that. Feeling understood and heard are important ways of helping a person feel less alone and less ashamed of their struggle.

When a person shares that they are struggling with suicide, it is vital to support them and help create a plan to keep them safe. If they are at immediate risk to themselves or someone else, you may want to accompany them to an Emergency Room to get immediate psychiatric help. If not, coming up with a safety plan can be extremely helpful.

A safety plan can include things like securing things they may use to attempt suicide (guns, knives, pills, etc.) with a trusted person. It can consist of having a trusted person check in with them, going with them to psychiatric or counseling appointments, and praying with and for them as they navigate the mental health system. It can also include finding things that bring them life and joy to help support them and encourage them to open up to trusted family and friends so they don't struggle alone.

In all of this, we have to remember that while we are called to enter into the darkness, the responsibility does not lie solely on our shoulders. It can feel frightening to feel like a person's life is in your hand. But, it is essential to remember that you are not God, that you cannot completely control what a person will do. That when you are supporting a person struggling with their mental health, that you too need support. And remember that you are not alone in helping that person. We have the power of the Holy Spirit.

We cannot forget the immense power of prayer. We don't negate the importance of trained professionals and psychiatric care for a person-- this is critical. But we must also go to the Great Physician and ask through the power of the Holy Spirit for those who are suffering to be healed. We hold on to the hope that Revelation 21 gives us that, ultimately, God will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will have passed away.

Closing

We are not a people without hope because of Christ's death and resurrection. So, even in the darkness of suicide and the difficulty of supporting those who may be thinking about suicide, we can cling to the truth of the Gospel. We cannot act out of fear when it comes to this but rather must walk in the peace and power of the Holy Spirit.

For those who struggle, you are not alone. Sometimes giving voice to the darkness and pain is the first step in experiencing healing. If you are struggling with depression or suicide, I pray that you will reach out to someone today. Your life matters. You are precious in God's sight and someone for whom Christ died.

This is because:

God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to one but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite.
-Martin Luther W.A. 1.183f

Charlotte Donlon is a writer, a spiritual director for writers, and the founder and host of the Our Faith in Writing podcast and website. Charlotte’s writing and work are rooted in noticing how art helps us belong to ourselves, others, God, and the world. Her writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Curator, The Christian Century, Christianity Today, Catapult, The Millions, Mockingbird, and elsewhere. Her first book is The Great Belonging: How Loneliness Leads Us to Each Other. You can subscribe to her newsletter and connect with her onTwitter and Instagram.