After Lucy Ellmann (Number 1)
The fact that I felt like I needed a nap when I got to page 32, the fact that my Coke Zero is almost gone, Cherry Coke, Diet Coke, Coke float, Hope Floats, the fact that people say Coca-Cola used to contain cocaine, the fact that I give thanks to Our Lord for our refrigerator when our refrigerator makes that noise it makes when water moves into the ice maker, the fact that we went eight days without a functioning refrigerator is somewhat amusing to me now although it was not amusing when we were buying bags of ice to keep the few things in our cooler cool, the fact that ice costs more than three dollars now wasn’t it ninety-nine cents a couple of years ago, Hidey-Ho, Hi-De-Ho, hidey hole, the fact that my face is itching again but it’s not as bad this time, the fact that I think it’s a psychosomatic anxiety symptom because it all started after I stopped one of my psychiatric meds and a common withdrawal side effect for that medication is anxiety, the fact that my daughter told me psychosomatic was the word I was looking for, the fact that I don’t necessarily feel anxious in my mind but my body knows, glows, sews, nose, the fact that I’m in my pajamas at 7:34 on a Friday night and as I settled on the sofa to read I asked my husband if he wished I was more fun, and he told me I’m plenty fun although that’s not how he said it because he would never say “plenty fun,” the fact that I don’t remember his exact response even though it wasn’t that long ago, the fact that I forget so many things, the fact that someone once said “I’ve forgotten more than she knows” about me when she didn’t even know me, Rain-or-Shine, Classic Basics, Do What You Love, the fact that The Trump-Pence Partnership Will Soon Be Tested, the news is coming so fast, going so fast, slow down, hoe down, the fact that I booked another blow-out for tomorrow and I went so many years without knowing what a blow-out was, the fact that my hair looks so much better and it lasts forever, forever and ever, til death do us part, the fact that I should be doing revisions, not reading this book that has so many pages, more than a thousand pages, the fact that I borrowed it from the library because I’m trying to not purchase as many books these days because I have too many books these days, the fact that I love books, being surrounded by books, nooks, nooks with books, the fact that there are three holds on this one copy of this one book for all of the public libraries in this metro area so I can’t renew, the fact that it’s more than 1000 pages and due in two weeks I think but I should be writing instead of reading, when I think about how much time I will spend reading this book I think about how those hours and minutes should be used revising, devising, supervising, the fact that I should return the book then place it on hold and maybe by the time it’s available again my manuscript will be turned in, the fact that I learned this week my book will be released one week after Election Day and it’s hard to not think your book is doomed when it’s released one week after Election Day, the fact that the election is going to be some sort of shit show, the fact that it’s pretty much guaranteed, TV show, let’s go to the show, get the show on the road, take it slow, so and so, the fact that I told my son this afternoon that it’s so hot that September is the new August and he reminded me it’s October, the fact that my friend told me that bit about the heat and September and August and that didn’t cross my mind at all, the fact that I didn’t think but it’s October, the fact that I once read or heard that October is the rainiest month in Birmingham, the fact that the earth is burning and so few people care, so few people dare, so few people scare, the fact that Friday evening is my husband’s favorite part of the week and I love that about him, that he likes to be in that liminal space between work and rest, the fact that I had to look up “liminal” to make sure I had that right, the fact that I don’t think I’ve ever actually used that word before now…
*This was originally posted in 2019.
Charlotte Donlon is a writer, a spiritual director for writers, and the founder and host of the Our Faith in Writing podcast and website. Charlotte’s writing and work are rooted in noticing how art helps us belong to ourselves, others, God, and the world. Her writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Curator, The Christian Century, Christianity Today, Catapult, The Millions, Mockingbird, and elsewhere. Her first book is The Great Belonging: How Loneliness Leads Us to Each Other. You can subscribe to her newsletter and connect with her onTwitter and Instagram.