Following the Church Year Can Help Us Feel Less Alone

If you follow the rhythms of the liturgical seasons, have you noticed how following the church year helps you feel less lonely?

I don’t follow the church year with the intent of diminishing my loneliness. I observe it to know more intimately the life of Jesus, his work in the lives of those whom he has rescued and redeemed, and the hope of the “not yet” on this side of heaven. I also enter into the liturgical seasons because they help us wait, lament, hope, celebrate, and acknowledge the full spectrum of the life of the Christian and the life of the church. But one blessing I have received from engaging the church year and its rituals is an increased sense of belonging to myself, others, and God.⁣
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As we consider Jesus throughout the course of the year and give our attention to his life, death, and resurrection, we can ask God to help us see those whom Christ sees. Who is suffering, grieving, lost, or alone? How can we invite others to join us as we observe and celebrate the life and work of Jesus? How can we have conversations with other Christians during Advent or Lent or Ordinary Time about how the current season is or isn’t helping us connect with ourselves, others, and God? How can we be, as James K.A. Smith wrote, a people of memory and expectation while “praying for and looking forward to a coming kingdom that will break in upon our present as a thief in the night”?⁣
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Read the rest of this essay at Christianity Today.

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

Sale Alerts for The Great Belonging

*Sale Alerts for The Great Belonging: How Loneliness Leads Us to Each Other⁣*
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1. Broadleaf Books
20% off and free shipping using code BLHOLIDAY20⁣.
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2. Hearts and Minds Books is selling The Great Belonging and several other books mentioned in their BookNotes posts at 20% off. AND please read all of the wonderful things Byron wrote about the book in this week’s BookNotes.😍⁣
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3. Bookshop.org has free shipping for the next few days. If you don’t have a local bookstore to tag on your purchase, please add Thank You Books.
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4. Target—Buy 2 Get One Free on select books and movies, including The Great Belonging.
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5. Amazon—The paperback version is currently discounted by about $3 plus there’s a coupon. It’s available there for around $11.⁣
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I hope this book helps people have conversations about loneliness and belonging. ⁣I hope it normalizes loneliness. ⁣And I hope it helps readers notice ways they belong to themselves, others, and God.⁣
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I’d love for you to consider reading The Great Belonging if you’re interested in ways loneliness and belonging intersect with the Christian faith. With a mix of memoir, essay, and research, it’s a bit more creative nonfiction-y than most Christian nonfiction books. I don’t try to solve the problem of loneliness. I explore different angles of loneliness and belonging and invite readers into a posture of curiosity.⁣
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The Great Belonging also makes a great gift for anyone who might be experiencing loneliness right now. So that means you can buy copies for all of your friends and family! Just kidding. You can buy copies for just like three people.💚

Many thanks to all who’ve read The Great Belonging. Your feedback has blown me away. It’s an honor to know people are reading and connecting with the book.

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

Prayers for Thanksgiving

Liturgies and liturgical prayers invite us to connect with ourselves, unite our prayers with others, and commune with God when we feel like it and when we don’t feel like it.⁣
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Below is the full Collect for Thanksgiving Day, Rite One from the Book of Common Prayer. It focuses on the fruits of this earth and our stewardship of those gifts. But this prayer is also helping me consider several gifts I’ve received and moving me to pray for greater stewardship of those gifts. ⁣
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May we recognize and give God thanks for the gifts we have received.⁣
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May we lament and confess our past failures to use our gifts for the common good. ⁣
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May God turn us toward using all of the gifts bestowed on us—our time, resources, and talents—in ways that honor God and help all of us flourish. ⁣
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May we believe God hears our prayers of gratitude, lament, and longing. ⁣
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And may our turkey be perfect and our pies be plentiful.

Collect for Thanksgiving Day, Rite One⁣
Almighty and gracious Father, we give thee thanks for the fruits of the earth in their season and for the labors of those who harvest them. Make us, we beseech thee, faithful stewards of thy great bounty, for the provision of our necessities and the relief of all who are in need, to the glory of thy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.⁣

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

A Pretty Tree, Heavy Traffic, and the Grace of God

Who else forgot how much traffic there is on the day before Thanksgiving? I guess everyone’s picking up food and ingredients for other food and getting on the road to travel and whatnot. We had to run a couple of errands along with the rest of the Birmingham metropolitan area and it was raining so hard and flooding and I almost had to pull over and wait it out. ⁣
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But we did what we needed to do and we survived. ⁣ (This sentence is very 2020.)
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I had a wonderful IG Live conversation with @the.quiet.musings this morning. We talked about loneliness, belonging, vulnerability, and all kinds of other things. It was so nice to talk to Poline. I love how she truly wants people to be real with themselves and others. I think our conversation is over on her IGTV.⁣
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Also, I had like three opportunities this afternoon to explode and yell and use obscene language and I didn’t. If I told you these three things you wouldn’t believe they all happened on the same day. But they did. By the grace of God I somehow responded to each situation with grace and patience and we survived. God really does sanctify us.⁣
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I have complicated feelings about Thanksgiving. I’m sure others do too. But this is a time to be thankful, so here are a few things I’m thankful for right now: this tree outside my bathroom window in the photo above, the fact that I’ve kept so many houseplants alive this year, and my new hairstyle that’s only a week (or two?) old. I love it. ⁣
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Oh, one more thing. I’m so thankful for everyone I’ve connected with here [on Instagram]. It’s been fun engaging with all of you since I started using this previously-dormant account in June. Thanks so much for your posts, photos, comments, messages, and conversations.⁣
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I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving or a decent Thanksgiving or a not miserable Thanksgiving. We have received so many good gifts, but it’s also a really hard time. ⁣
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May we notice God’s presence wherever we are, however we are.

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

More Than One Thing Can Be True

When we write or speak about why we are grateful, we aren’t claiming other things aren’t also true.⁣
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When we write or speak about why we are lamenting, we aren’t claiming other things aren’t also true.⁣
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It’s all about the “both and.” We can be grateful for things worthy of gratitude. We can lament things worthy of lament.⁣
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And we can honor those who are led to express one but not the other at this particular time or another particular time. We can honor those who can’t express anything right now. We can honor those who just need humor and distraction. ⁣
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Of course, there are holidays and liturgical seasons and other emotional and spiritual prompts that help us navigate our hearts and minds and souls. But our current personal experiences and circumstances may not line up with all of that. And that’s okay!

Holidays and liturgical seasons can encourage us toward certain truths that don’t feel natural or easy to believe in that moment. That can be a good thing!

But no one is making you focus on gratitude or the coming birth of Jesus when you NEED lament and the Resurrection ASAP.
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Really. It’s all okay. (I mean. Within reason.) Jesus came to free us from so many things. He frees us from cultural and religious and societal holiday expectations that we really don’t have to give in to. Be free. Lament, grieve, be thankful, be joyful, wait, don’t wait.
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It’s impossible to write or speak or explore the whole story every minute of every day. But we can write, speak, and explore pieces of it. We can uncover some of what’s hidden, we can explore some of what’s been revealed. ⁣
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That’s why we keep writing, speaking, and exploring.
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So, let’s be free with our stories. And let’s honor others and their stories.
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Okay. Carry on with figuring out how to prepare your Thanksgiving turkey which will most likely be dry and bland anyway. (Did I just say that?)

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

Music Is a Dwelling Place

Does music help you feel less alone?

Below is the beginning of an essay for Curator Magazine about ways music helps me belong. It's an honor to have my work published by such a beautiful online publication. I think most people will connect with this piece that explores ways music decreases our isolation. See profile to read the full essay.⁣
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⁣Whenever I hear Peter Cetera belt out “Waiting for the break of day” in the song “25 or 6 to 4,” I’m carried back to the brick house on Hunting Creek Road in Montgomery, Alabama, where I lived as a child. I’m four years old. I’m on the rust-colored shag carpet and can smell the drywall and new paint in our den that had doubled in size from its recent renovation. I see my dad hanging his new Bose 901 speakers and setting up his sound system, including a Philips turntable. My Barbie dolls are not far from my reach, and I’d bet I ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes for breakfast. That song is my earliest music memory. ⁣⁣
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Music helps us inhabit time in ways that open us up to mystery, nuance, and new perspectives. Recent measurements of brain activity depict an experience most of us have had: being transported back in time by a song. Armed with those images, scientists explain that the medial prefrontal cortex, which is located right behind the eyes, collects music, memory, and emotion and braids them together as we listen and respond to songs from long ago. While we listen to old, familiar songs, our past combines with the present and we are in two places at the same time.⁣⁣
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*Read the rest of this essay adapted from a chapter from The Great Belonging at The Curator.

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

Why We Create

“Take your broken heart and turn it into art.” I love this quote by Carrie Fisher. This is why we create, right? ⁣
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This is one reason I wrote The Great Belonging: How Loneliness Leads Us to Each Other. My heart has been broken by loneliness many times throughout my life. And my heart has been healed through exploring ways I belong to myself, others, and God. Writing this book has helped me be curious about loneliness and see it in a new light. ⁣
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I heard the quote above on Brené Brown’s podcast episode with the authors of the book Burnout. ⁣They were talking about how creating is one way we can complete the stress cycle. If we don’t complete the cycle, we get stuck and bad things can happen. (Please listen to this episode and read this book!)⁣
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I know we don’t all have the time, resources, and energy to create in ways we prefer. And this can be affected by our season of life, our emotional capacity, and other circumstances we don’t necessarily have any control over. ⁣
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But there are easy and simple ways we can create. Write one sentence. Write one line of a poem. Draw a cloud. Take a photo. Make a loaf of sourdough. (I know all y’all are already doing this.)⁣
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And using our imagination in new ways works too. Listen to the episode for more details on that.⁣
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And listen to the episode (and read the book) to know why I’m officially giving my husband and kids very long hugs every day.⁣
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I’m working on Book #2 now. I’m writing about a few things that can cause heartbreak in our lives. And I’m writing about things that help us heal, that help us know we aren’t alone.

Our stories are full of heartbreak and healing, suffering and joy. ⁣
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May we give our attention to our stories and respond to our stories with care and creativity.⁣
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Cheers to turning our broken hearts into art.⁣
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*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

Reducing Holiday Loneliness During the Pandemic

An April 2020 study showed a third of Americans were experiencing more loneliness due to the pandemic. Another study from June of this year reported U.S. residents have considerably elevated adverse mental health conditions associated with COVID-19. Adults of all ages reported having experienced worse mental health outcomes, increased substance use, and elevated suicidal ideation.⁣
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I've been reading, writing, and talking about loneliness and belonging for more than two years, both in my book, The Great Belonging: How Loneliness Leads Us to Each Other, and my podcast, Hope for the Lonely. The lessons I've learned through my research, writing, conversations with others, and personal experiences may be of use to those trying to brace themselves for potential loneliness during the holidays this year.⁣
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We need to prepare now for holiday loneliness. If we know the upcoming holiday season will be more difficult this year, what can we do to prepare? Aundi Kolber, therapist and author of Try Softer, spoke to me last year about loneliness and the holidays. She says there are things we can do now to protect ourselves from increased loneliness.⁣
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But most important, in my experience, is that we talk about our loneliness. ⁣
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Learn more about why I think this is important and other ways we can reduce our holiday loneliness during the pandemic in a piece I wrote recently.⁣

Photo by Sergiu Vălenaș on Unsplash
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*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

A Friday Introduction

It’s Friday, which for some of us is very much like every other day of the week. Maybe we can figure out how to celebrate in a tiny way this afternoon around five o’clock and not work as much this weekend and even have a Sabbath.⁣
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It’s also a good day for a Friday introduction. Welcome to everyone who has connected with me here in the past couple of weeks. It’s been lovely having this little micro-blog space. I’ve enjoyed the interactions and engaging with others who help me feel less alone.⁣
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I live in Birmingham, Alabama with my husband and our two teenage children. Our daughter is a senior in high school(!?!) and our son is a sophomore.⁣
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I have a love-hate relationship with this city. I’ve lived here for 27 years—since my freshman year at Birmingham-Southern College, a fantastic liberal arts school. My time there was rocky for various reasons but man, the faculty was so great. They taught me how to learn. And I think it was in college when I began to truly delight in learning.⁣
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I love Birmingham because there’s so much beauty here—even in unexpected places. I love the city of Birmingham the most. We lived inside the city limits for 13 years and currently live in a suburb on the edge of Birmingham. The city has my heart. I even dreamed about our old house and neighborhood last night.⁣
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But here’s the thing with Birmingham and all of the suburbs that are lumped into “Birmingham”: The sins and failings pointed out in Letter from Birmingham Jail are still here. The white church is the same white church it was then. And I don’t know what to do with that. So many people here are doing good things and believing the truth and trying to love their neighbors, but some aren’t. And it breaks my heart.⁣
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We’re here for now, but we’re talking about moving later. I kind of want to live in a city where more people are perfectly fine wearing masks during pandemics. ⁣
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So there’s a tiny slice of my life. I’d love to hear about where you live. What do you love? What do you hate?

(Also, 2020 gave me this new hairstyle so this year is not 100% terrible.)

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.

When Food Helps Us Belong

This rosemary, white bean and chicken soup makes an appearance in the “Belonging to Ourselves” section of The Great Belonging. It’s in a chapter about recovering from a bipolar manic episode and reconnecting to a healthier version of myself.⁣
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Also. This book isn’t about mental illness but I write about my experiences with mental illness. Here’s what ⁣Sarah Sanderson said in her review at Mockingbird:
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“Perhaps the most extraordinary thing about this book is Donlon’s willingness to welcome us into the far reaches of her own mind. Donlon has bipolar disorder; she has experienced addling manias and debilitating depressions. In The Great Belonging, Donlon relays these vacillations without hyperbole and without shame. What struck me most about these particular chapters is that, while they are vital to the book, The Great Belonging does not become, by their inclusion, a book about mental illness... It is a book about loneliness whose author happens to be quite open about her own mental illness. In treating her condition this way, Donlon gives us all a great gift: a vision of a world in which mental illnesses can be openly discussed, but do not have to totally define the people who live with them.”⁣
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My friend Michael Dechane asked for the recipe after he read The Great Belonging. You can get the recipe from this Substack post.
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If you’re curious about various angles of loneliness and ways we belong to ourselves, others, and God, you might like my first book, The Great Belonging: How Loneliness Leads Us to Each Other. You can buy it wherever you buy books or order here.

*Image and words originally posted by Charlotte Donlon on Instagram.